Who can say...

With another year almost passed, I find myself looking forward instead of backwards. 2013 is going to be another year begun (and hopefully ended) in Costa Rica, and it holds more possibility than I can imagine.

But for reflections sake, I wil admit that I struggled this year with feelings of uselessness, lack of purpose and incapability. But I am done with that now. My naivety is long gone, but I have a newfound sense of being able to conquer the world, if I just put my mind to it. When I graduated from high school my Mom made me a very special quilt, and she stitched jokes, poems and beautiful messages throughout the seams. She wrote "you are a mountain mover." At the time, it made me tear up, but it seemed logical enough. (I know how that sounds, but hang in there with me) Up to that point in my life, all of the challenges I had encountered were conquerable. I may have come a little short of the desired outcome a few times, but I had never felt useless. I had never thrown my hands in the air and completely given up.

I can admit that Gallo Pinto made me give up on more than one occasion. I threw my hands up, and planted my ass securely in my hammock. I stopped having high expectations, I stopped feeling capable and I confronted persistent failure. Although I never gave up for more than a day at a time, I will admit that my previous site was the first challenge in my life, that wasn't conquerable. And even after leaving, and moving to a completely new environment, it was difficult to kick that gnawing sense of incapability.

I don't know exactly when, why or how - but its gone. I'm a mountain mover again and it feels good.

Day 1 (take 2)

Today I begin a whole new chapter of my Peace Corps Service. Yesterday I loaded my (not nearly as meager as expected) belongings into the back of my boss's car and unloaded them in what (in the coming weeks) will become my new home. After just over a year in my original site I am transferring to a new site. Big change huh? Although I will always reflect positively on my time in Gallo Pinto, about a month ago I came to the (difficult, but necessary) realization that my work as a Peace Corps Volunteer had come to an end in the community. Gallo Pinto is a community with a long list of development needs. Unfortunately my work in the community was limited by the small unmotivated population and the minimal transportation resources. Reflecting back I do know that I made an impact in the organization of the local groups and the youth in the community. I leave the community a few friends richer, and with quite a bit more knowledge about the workings of rural Costa Rica.

My new town is a hop skip and a jump from where I was. I will be living with a family again (for the first few months) and I get to start from square one- getting to know the local groups, the friendly faces and in what I will be working. I am pleased with what I know so far about my new community. The town is a little bit larger than Gallo Pinto, although it is still rural. The town is more spread out, although it has a great center. My new family consists of a Host Mother, Host Father, a teenager sister in high school and a 22 year old sister who attends a University in a larger nearby city. The house sits beautifully next to a river and the family has been extremely welcoming.

Hopefully with this fresh start I will update my blog a little more regularly. Sending love and blessings back home

Chels

Such is life...Asi es la vida

The longer that I live my Peace Corps life the longer that it feels less like "my Peace Corps experience" and feels more like my life (without quotation marks). I often hear volunteers say, "I want to go home." We don't always say it in the throws of an emotional breakdown. Sometimes, its just another sweaty day without water when we wish we could wear fall fashions and see the leaves changing color. In these past few months I have heard my fellow volunteers recite this familiar cadence, but it has left me feeling confused. Because the desire to "go home" (for me at least) has always been about escaping the tough stuff. "Going home" becomes a fantastical NeverNeverLand. But the more that my life in Costa Rica takes root, the more I am left wondering, what would it mean to actually "go home."

"Home isn't a place anymore, its about the people." "Its people that make the places important." These are quotes from friends here and at home. They speak to something that I have known for longer than I have been able to verbalize the words or even identify with them. Home is the connection I feel sharing stories with my parents, or sitting down to a cup of coffee with a close friend. That feeling of connection, understanding and acceptance, that is what home is for me. So what does it mean to go home? Is home holding on to the love that you have in your life or acknowledging that wherever you go in the world you will find love? Where do I go now, to find my home?

And I'm not just looking for a sense of home, I am seeking adventure. Which only serves to complicate what was not a simple problem to begin with. I could fill my life with people that I love and care about, but what if  my personal fulfillment comes from leaving the places where people love me?

So there you have it, the ramblings of a slightly discontent, but still committed and entirely uncertain Peace Corps Volunteer. Enough about the future, lets catch up on the present. I am still working in my community, although work is painstakingly slow and frustratingly uphill. I still live in the same home, my fishbowl on school grounds. I still fill my weekends playing with the soccer team and the nearest bus stop is still an hour walk away. I still eat rice and beans daily, and the water still goes out at least once a week. I still wash my laundry by hand and share my home with unwanted pests (not pets) of all shapes and sizes. I still attend daily meetings and combat machismo and apathy. But there has been a new development, for a while now I have been dating a man from a nearby town. And even though so many things remain unchanged, having such a good friend and support system in town has given a 'rosy tint' to all of the tough stuff.

Well friends, family and the Internet, that's all of my personal thoughts and meanderings for now. Sending loves and blessings :-)

hardening of the heart

I just looked at my last blog post. May 30th. That means it has been almost two months since my last update. I apologize, although honestly, it is because things have become pretty mundane. I wake up in the morning, coffee, hammock and reading time. Yoga, breakfast, email, housework and then see where the day takes me. Meetings starting around cafecito time, and then its time to head home, make dinner and do the dishes. Watch a movie or chat with someone from home and then its time to tuck myself into bed. Another day gone by.

The title of the blog post, and probably one of the most eventful happenings of the past month, was the death of Piper my 4th Costa Rican pet. I don't know if I have told this story before, but either way I am going to retell it, because it is uniquely applicable to the situation. During training back in April 2011 a group of 6 trainees and myself spent a week in another volunteer's site. We stayed with host families and followed her around for a week learning about her work. One night we were all sitting on the floor in her house and as her cat was suckling on her dog, she told of the stories of her pets in Costa Rica. I don't remember the specifics, but it was horrific, the quantity and the ways in which they had all died. What I remember (distinctly) is that we laughed. It was uncomfortable laughter, I guess we felt like there was no other way to respond. It was such awful luck. It was just too horrific to take seriously. And here I am, just over a year later. Sugar was stolen, Cricket was eaten by a dog, Gidget was poisoned and Piper got distemper and I had to put her down.

Piper had been walking strange for a few weeks and I spoken with more people and vets then I can count about how to help her. In the end, she couldn't stand up, and although she continued eating, she just laid on the floor, limbs splayed in all directions bobbing her head to eat her food and sleeping in her own excrement. Because she couldn't walk, and the bus stop is an hour away, I had someone in town kill her. They were kind enough to dig her grave and end her life. I sat in my room, on my bed, with my knees tucked into my chest, my hands over my ears and I cried.

I have more offers now than I know what to do with for more pets, but at least for today, my heart feels just a little bit too hard.

And such are the days...

Its hard to culminate weeks or a month into a singular blog post. The days seem to pass by now without even giving me a chance to X them off on my calendar. Shockingly, when I looked up from my desk this morning, it was May 30th, which means June is literally days away. Everyone says the second year just flies by.

I should probably include that things have been particularly slow in my site the past few months, and I was getting pretty frustrated. After consulting with my boss, I realized I had two options. Stick it out or change sites. I held a big community meeting to express my concern to community members and was pleasantly surprised by the amount of support I received. I am hopeful that the support will be long-lasting, but regardless, it helped me realize how important the relationships are that I have built this past year, and well, at the end of the day, I didn't join the Peace Corps to build buildings, I have always been more focused on making a more personal impact through building relationships.

Then I attended my Mid-Service Training with all of the other volunteers in my training class (Tico 22). We spent 4 days at the same camp-style location where we spent out first nights in this country. It was (surprisingly) the perfect venue, and allowed all of the volunteers a chance to catch up, goof around, and spend the time we needed together. I thought I would leave feeling refreshed, as I usually do after a stint in the city (and a hot shower), but I left feeling motivated. Which is exactly what I needed.

Training was followed by a completely unplanned (we were planning on going, we just didn't actually plan the things that need to be planned) trip to the beach. A beach where the water is turquoise, the sand is made of crushed seashells and when it downpours in the middle of the day, the tourists leave and you get the entire beach to yourself! We found a bus direct from San Jose to the beach, and then a place to crash for 8 bucks a night. I couldn't have planned anything more perfect.

Then another minor toe surgery, a day spent at a Costa Rican immigration office and I was on my way back to site. The corn stalk that is growing outside my back door (from what I can only assume was a popcorn kernal that fell to the floor that I then kicked outside) is now as tall as I am. I have decided that this is my favorite kind of gardening, the accidental kind. Piper is getting bigger, and has an anger problem. She does not like little boys, and when I say that she doesn't like them, I mean that she thinks that they were sent to this Earth so that she can bite them. She has yet to actually bite one, but darn, she has gotten too close for my comfort. The Ticos brush it off, but I have kept her diligently tied up since I got back and I am trying my best to break her of this awful habit/intention/desire? The rainy season has begun once again, which doesn't mean its any less hot (I know, right, what an injustice), but it downpours every afternoon, which makes leaving the house risky, because it means I could end up walking home in the sticky stucky mud, with lightning (which the Ticos tell me kills people ALL THE TIME) and the kind of downpour that hurts your skin it pelts you so hard. I still enjoy the rain, but I don't like wearing boots when I leave the house in 100 degree midday heat, and with these silly stitches I can walk barefoot. Oh Peace Corps problems.

This past weekend there was a Bingo and a Feria organized by the Church. It was a great time (you know you have been in the Peace Corps when...). I won half a prize at the Bingo, (inside joke: its like catching half a fish) as I was playing someone else's card. She had too many and couldn't manage them all, so she let me fill one up. My half a prize is a cute little Tupperware container. I played for a small (small, small, small) part of the soccer game on Sunday, and spent the rest of the day comfortably socializing. I know, you can go back and read that again if you didn't believe it the first time.

Then yesterday I spent the entire day at a neighbors house, they let me make lunch, the birthday cake for the birthday celebration, help with making dinner, and then around 8pm I fell asleep in a corner. Yea, it's pretty embarrassing to say now, but at the time, snuggling up with the refrigerator seemed like the best idea in the world! The moral of the story is that I have finally found a family with which I feel as comfortable as I did my host family during training. I have quite a few families that invite me to eat with them, or come visit me, but something about yesterday was different. I was comfortable to joke around, and be silly and to...sleep in the corner.

For now, that's all I got. Time to pull the yoga mat out and enjoy the rain on the tin roof. Thanks for reading and as always, sending loves,

Chels

Its all in the moments...

Sitting in my hammock, drinking my morning coffee and reading. Its recess at the school and a little boy walks into my living room, looks at me with really sad puppy dog eyes and says he feels sick. We sit on my porch and I give him a hug.

Riding home from a soccer game where I scored the winning goal (my first) with my girls soccer team screaming out chants and cheers. Going to the store the next day to have three people recount my goal to people who were not at the soccer game.

Finally finding a family that has an oven and making chocolate chip cookies. Pulling them out of the oven in the middle of the day heat and realizing that cookies warm from the oven will always make me smile.

Washing my house with two neighbors, and laughing so hard my stomach hurt after I got shocked from the electric socket we had just sprayed down with the hose. And then waking up to a clean house the next day, with no shit sand.

Starting each day with Piper, who makes it hard to hate the mornings as she pushes her wet nose against my mosquito net and nuzzles my cheek. And then proceeds to jump up and down, up and down, when I finally concede and get out of bed.

Watching a full moon rise over the plaza behind my house, knowing I have never seen a moon so beautiful and bright.

Receiving free food from my neighbors, from eggs, to fruits, to chicken legs, to empanadas. It was true in college and it is true in the Peace Corps, free food just tastes better.

Walking home after a long day, with the sun setting over the hill, a long stretch of empty mud road, fields as far as the eye can see, a silence filled to the brim with animal noise, and a serenity that the city will never know.

Are you mad or sad?

This is the first question that my neighbor asked me after I told him that my house had been broken into (for the fourth time). And for those of you who know me, you can probably guess, that I was mad. Infuriated, more like it. I got back to my house on Saturday night, after having spent the day planning soccer in another town. We left town around noon, and arrived back at 10pmish. I had a particularly wonderful day, because the town where we played happens to be the site of another volunteer, who had 2 other volunteers visiting her for her town's annual Fiestas. I got to spend the afternoon with the 3 of them- and we all went to the rodeo together that night. It was incredibly comfortable to have some cultural companions to pass the day with, and on the ride home I was content. Not just happy, but the kind of settled, luminous feeling that I can only describe with the assistance of my hands. When I walked into my house, I almost immediately noticed a hole in the screen by the back door. After that it was like one of those puzzles in the newspaper, where two drawings 'appear' to be exactly the same,  but there are really 10 differences and you have to find them. Except in real life, with each difference that I found I got madder and madder. Someone had gone threw my jewelry, emptied my coin jar, and so on and so forth. I went from hiding spot to hiding spot, checking on my valuables. Speakers, still there. Computer, still there. Ipod, camera, still there. Wallet, much emptier than before. Bummer.

So the only thing that was stolen was money, and not even all of it. But the sizable majority for sure. Frustrating. Violating. I hate knowing that people are in my house when I am not.Going through my things. It is so disrespectful.

So I have since spoken with a few community members, fixed a few holes, and expressed my sentiments. There is a general consensus on who is stealing from me, after all, in a town of 50 people, there is not much that goes by unnoticed. The man who is highly suspect, is in his mid-40's, he doesn't work, he lives with his sister and her family, and he is generally known as 'not being all there.' He has a history of stealing small things from houses (including people he is related to) in order to buy cigarettes and presents for his mother. I also believe that he is convincing a kid to do the actual breaking in, because he is too large to fit through the hole that was open. There is a 6th grade boy who was caught breaking into the town store a while back, and he is also highly suspect. He comes from the poorest immigrant family in town.  They live in a house with no water or electricity. He is extremely intelligent and his smart ass ways rival my own. I also think that my dog would have made a huge racket if someone tried to break into my house. But since I live on school grounds, she is used to seeing the kids running around the house during the day, and I don't think that she would bark if a kid was around the house.

I remember before I joined PC, I sat down to have coffee with an RPCV and chat about her experience in Zimbabwe. It was exciting listening to her stories (I know now that its easy to fantasize/romanticize lives we are not living). I remember asking her all kinds of questions about safety, and she shared that her house had been broken into once or twice. The way she talked about it surprised me. She seemed so disconnected from 'having her things stolen.' It was more a story integration and respect. I didn't really understand what she was talking about. I get it now. Its not what was stolen, its about so much more.

There are now 3 birds that live in my house.

I haven't updated in what feels like a very long time. When I have a lot to write about, I have to organize it in lists, otherwise I get overwhelmed and feel like you are missing out on things. So hopefully I will return to the more humorous anecdotal approach to blogging in the next one, cause this one will be primarily informative.
-In March I visited a married couple of volunteers on the Caribbean coast, and it was wonderful to spend a day at the beach, and to see their site and how different it is. I really enjoy seeing other volunteer's sites, I think it helps me realize how different all of our experiences are.
-I also spent a few days visiting my host family from training. I love spending time with them, especially my little sister, who looks up to me so much!!
-In site I have been busy with meetings, and organizing. All good, but I can definitely feel things starting to fall into a lull. There is a definite lack of community motivation to get work done, and I think people are finally realizing that sustainable development means that I am not going to do the work alone. :-)
-Piper is alive and well. I have to chain her up for some parts of the day now, because she still doesn't understand that she can't just walk into anyone's house. She also has started sleeping in my bed, shhh!, don't tell.
-There is a wood pecker looking bird that lives above my bed now, and two doves that live in the nest in the kitchen. I guess that's just another reason I shouldn't get another kitten.
-I picked a dried up dead baby bat out of my crocheting a few days ago. It was pretty gross.
-I discovered an amazing yoga podcast that I have been doing everyday, I think it has substantially increased my happiness level.
-My house has been broken into three times now. It is a child, because he/she isn't stealing anything big. Its still annoying though.
-The ATM ate my bank card in March, and I lived for two weeks on $10 until I was able to get it back :-)
-Holy Week took place during the first week in April. It started off really boring, but then I got lots of invites to go with different friends and families to the rivers (there are 3 within 'walking' distance) to fish and swim. Yes I did swim in the rivers where the crocodiles live. There are sharks in the ocean. You just put it out of your mind. It was wonderful and I felt really accepted, like a community member, not an outsider. Plus, I LOVE swimming and so I had a blast!
-For Easter dinner I had a chocolate bar and a glass of wine :-)

I know that there are a million things more, but for now, that's it. Oh, and I am learning to move beyond the gossip- cause its bad here- but my life will be better if I just don't care. So I stopped caring, its much nicer this way :-)

Loves,

When to expect the unexpected, and other valuable lessons of living in the campo

First of all, I would like to acknowledge that I do actually perform work related tasks, while living my life here. I was reading through my blog the other day, and realized that very few of my updates or anecdotes include my professional life here. At least from the traditional Western perspective. I actually consider quite a few things as being work related activities, that in most other situations would never be construed as such. But regardless, there are formal work related activities that have been happening (its just that they aren´t always the most interesting or story worthy of events). In acknowledgement of this, I would like to share some of my more concrete work here, but don´t worry I have some more fun stuff I will include later on in the entry too.

My work usually divides up into two categories, work with adults and work with youth. Right now I have a few youth projects that I am working on.
-I have an environmental group, and we have organized weekly trash picks ups. The environmental group has a high school leader, and the two of us are trying to find funds to build a small recycling shed in town, so that we can begin a recycling program to minimize burning of recyclable materials.
-I also have a Young Women´s group, with a few local high schoolers and we meet once a week to discuss issues from self-esteem to violence against women to human rights.
-I am working with a local woman to start a pre-school in the community. She is currently holding classes three days a week in her yard for a few community kids, free of charge. Hopefully we will be able to secure funds to create a shelter where she can teach her classes, and buy basic materials with which she can stock the classroom.
-I am still very involved with my Women´s Soccer Team, and although I participate as a member, I also am constantly working with them to teach them how to be a more organized, efficient group.

As far as projects with adults, there are fewer, but they tend to be my main sources of frustration (probably because they have the potential to make the most significant impact, but the adults aren´t motivated).
-I work with the local government, and we are currently working on applying to the government to fund one of our projects. The local government meets twice a month, and the burden of infrastructural development for the town lies on them.
-There are a few smaller less organized groups in town, namely the Church Committee and the Children´s Rights Committee, that am trying to work with. But this can be challenging, because these groups often go months without meeting.
-More recently the Police from the region have been teaching classes once a week, in an effort to organize and develop the community. I have been attending these meetings, and trying to help the facilitator as much as possible.
-And there are the English classes that just won´t die. I currently have 4 students and I teach a total of 2 classes.

So there you go. For those of you who have been reading my blog and thinking (politely to yourself), ´I wonder what Chelsea does in Costa Rica?´ There are a few answers.

Now for something more entertaining. My life here can be so unexpected, I thought I would share with you a small story,

This morning I received a text message from my neighbor that read, ´Come pick up your dog.¨ I should preface this with the fact that my dog spends a lot of time at my neighbors house. She is friends with their dog, and the two of them play together. Yesterday when I asked why one of the little boys wasn´t at my environmental group another child answered that it was because my dog stole one of the boys shoes and now the boy can´t leave the house until he finds the shoe. Now who knows if it really was Piper who stole his shoe, but then I look down at my well worn and well chewed through flip flops and have little doubt that Piper is the culprit. So today upon receiving that message I left the house preparing to apologize profusely. When I arrive at their house I am greeted by the two parents who invite me in for lunch and proceed to entertain me with stories. Then the highschooler asks me for help with her homework and we end of sitting on her bed and chatting for a while. They invited me to go to a birthday party for a family member a town over later that afternoon. They were all getting ready. The teenager was frustrated that she had to wait because her father suddenly had to leave and help birth a calf. But once he got home and cleaned up there were ready to leave. Its finally on my way out, that I look down at the leash in my hand and then see Piper tied up back by the shed. I ask if everything is okay with Piper, if she is being a bother, and they profusely answer no. Never would have expected that result from the curt message I received in the morning.

Happy Anniversary Tico 22

March 1st, 2011 I began my journey here in Costa Rica. 1 year later- March 1st, 2012. Instead of sharing my lessons learned, I thought to celebrate this anniversary I would share with you the new norms of my life. You have traveled with me on my path to adjustment, but where has that path lead me? Here are a few of the norms of my current life:

-Once (well, ideally twice but sometimes the heat makes me lazy) I hand wash my clothes in the sink. Now this is something that I expected to do during my Peace Corps service, but I never imagined the battle that I would have to wage against mold. It probably doesn't shock you, that in a tropical climate with high humidity a lot of things mold. That statement sounds normal enough, seems predictable. But what threw me for a loop was the plethora of places where mold can and will grow. And mold is not scared a little elbow grease. But now when I put a t-shirt on, and it has that all to telling white circle I just throw it in the laundry without a second glance. New norm: All things have to be hand washed, and all things that will be hand washed will probably grow mold.

-Another general Peace Corps expectation is the battle with two, four, six and eight (and hundred) legged critters. I remember my first encounter with a tarantula, I was sitting on the couch at a friends house and she told me not to look behind me. To which I of course jumped out of my seat and whipped my head around to see what was behind me. Cue large and (surprisingly) hairy tarantula. We ended up calling her host mom to come help us, who killed it with a gas poison pump contraption. Thinking back to that story, I laugh at my squeamish self. If only I knew the critters that I would encounter in the upcoming year. Well after the rats, bats, centipedes, spiders, scorpions, termites, grasshoppers and other creepy crawlers I have grown a thicker skin. New Norm: Always look first, because chances are if you don't, the bug will get to you before you get to it.(oh yea, and flip flops are the BEST method to kill just about anything)

-Waste management and the accompanying measures that one has to take when there is no organized system to dispose of trash. I am lucky, I am not referring to liquid waste, although many people in my community still use septic tanks and because of the smell have to have their bathrooms in separate structures set away from the house. I have a toilet inside my house, that flushes (when there is water) just fine. I also have what you could call a shower (PVC tubing shower head) that flows with wonderfully cold and refreshing water. The waste that I am referring to, is garbage. I have to burn it or bury what can't be burned. At first this made the liberal environmentalist Seattlite inside of me cringe with guilt. After a year, its just another part of the normal routine. Although I will say that knowing that I have to burn everything that I buy and don't eat (packaging, etc) I make wiser purchases and I reuse or repair a lot more often. Because who wants to burn an old pair of headphones just because the cat chewed the cord and they don't work anymore. New Norm: Buying it means burning it, if its broken it can be fixed or repurposed.

-Acceptance. One word that encompasses so many new norms. I have accepted the pace of life and other unchangables - the heat, the water and electricity coming and going, the lack of phone signal, the monotony of rice and beans and a multitude of others. But I have also come to accept some changables, I have learned to pick my battles in life. Some things are worth putting up a fight, but most of the time, its better to just let things slide off. My bathroom leaks when it rains, meh. Most of the people in town show up late for meetings, but hey, at least they show up. New Norm: Tranquila.

-I play soccer at least 3 times a week. I enjoy it, and (not to brag) but I'm not so bad anymore. You'd be surprised. Only those of you who know me well can fully appreciate this, because you see, you play soccer with your feet, and I am not so great with my feet. Actually, it has been said more than once, that I am downright clumsy. So imagine, I am running, I am stopping the ball with my feet and kicking it again, WITHOUT falling. Its pretty impressive. New Norm: Coordination... (that may be taking it a little too far)

-Sleeping! This is a glorious new norm. I average 10 hours of sleep a night. Generally I head to bed around 10pm and sleep in until 8am. 10 hours of sleep, every night. Its beautiful. The downside, of course is that I go to bed at 10pm every night because there I have no night life, which per chance is not ideal, but the sleep - its glorious. New Norm: Well rested, ALWAYS.

-I guess the final norm would be my adjustment to the isolation. Being the only foreigner in my community, living alone, and having my nearest town be 2 and a half hours a way - that took (and takes) time to adjust to. I bounce around my house happily now. With dance parties one night, yoga the next morning, afternoon reading in the hammock, movies with popcorn the next day, and LOTS of talking to my animals. I am comfy alone, it feels stable, free, enjoyable! New Norm: Solitude.

Well, that's all for now, off to swing in the hammock and work on the next stripe in my blanket. Sending loves,

Chelsea

Rest in Peace Gidget

Gidget

My sweet little kitten, Gidget, died yesterday in the veterinarian´s office. I found her Monday morning hiding behind the toilet, soaking wet and covered in dirt. She couldn´t stand up and barely had the strength to meow. He nose and lips were completely white and she was trembling. I left on foot from my house, with her wrapped in an old shirt, hoping that someone would pass me and give me a ride to the nearest large town. After 30 minutes I got a ride, and we arrived in Guatuso an hour later. At the vet´s Gidget only got worse. Her body temperature was so low that it didn´t register on the thermometer. She was so dehydrated that the vet couldn´t find a vein to put fluids in, and her pupils didn´t respond to light. About a hour after we arrived, her heart stopped and she passed away. Her tiny lifeless body lie on the table, with her tongue hanging out of her mouth. The vet believes that she ate a poisonous bug or frog, or a mouse that had been poisoned. By the time I got her to the vet, it was really to late. She was so small and so dehydrated -she barely had a fighting chance. I began crying in vet´s office, and then wandered around town until it was time to take the bus home. The whole time I was trying to swallow my tears. When I got home Piper kept sniffing around like crazy looking for Gidget.

I feel helpless. Gidget had been meowing during the night. And I ignored her because I thought she was just hungry. She had been acting a little weird the night before, but I just assumed it was because I was a day or two late with her deworming meds. Knowing that she spent her last night wet, cold, alone and in pain makes me so sad. I know that logically I couldn´t have saved her, but I feel so culpable.

Gidget is the third pet that I have lost in my time here in Gallo Pinto. A friend told me - ´that life is hard in the campo.´ She is right, life here is hard. I never imagined that during my time in the Peace Corps I would have four pets and loose three of them. 

Can I see?

Introducing Piper and Gidget


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Summer Camps January 2012


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Zona Norte VAC Meeting Cano Negro


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what of a much of a whirlwind

Prepare yourself for what may be my most disconnected and most sporadic post ever. Fair warning.

First of all, I would like to formally introduce my new family members - its definitely getting crowded here at 25 meters West of the Escuela (yep, that's my official address here in Costa Rica - although I doubt it would help anyone who doesn't live in town find my house). Although never formally introduced, Gidget, the black and white 2 and a half month old kitten has been living with me since mid December. She is a pretty laid back kitten, although she gets manic when she sees her food and she loves swinging in the hammock with me. The newest member of the clan is Piper, the month and a half old puppy. Piper has a white body, with small black spots all over, a large black spot where her tail meets her back, a large black spot on her left eye, and another on her right eye and right ear. She has darling little brown eyebrows and currently sports a purple collar. She is a handful and a half. Fortunately Gidget gets the brunt of Pipers energy and enthusiasm. Gidget walks around perpetually looking over her shoulder, because Piper loves to pounce on Gidget and either bite at her scruff or  put Gidget's head in her mouth. Gidget is mostly a good sport, although as Piper bounces around in front of her, yipping with excitement, Gidget puts her ears back and looks rather disdainfully annoyed. In the evening when I read in my hammock, they both curl up in my lap and nap together, which has to be the most endearing thing ever.

Today is the fourth day in a row that I have spent 2 hours in the morning doing laundry. Today I finally finished and found the bottom of the laundry bag (which will be hidden again tomorrow). I really don't have that many clothes, its just that hand washing takes much more time, and quite of a few of my clothes have started growing mold, which is harder than it looks like to get rid of.

There is one more new resident in my house - a dove or paloma - who now lives in my kitchen. When I was out of town I guess she thought that the perch in my kitchen was an ideal location- nice and quiet, safe and protected from the elements. Little did she know, that I had already laid claim to this piece of property. Although at first she would manically fly from her perch whenever I entered the kitchen, which made me jump, she has adjusted to my presence in the house. I can now go about my business in the kitchen without bothering her and without her bothering me. I think she has eggs in her nest, I will keep you updated.

Yesterday I played soccer with my women's soccer team, and although the other women's team didn't show up, we organized a small game against the men's team and everybody enjoyed themselves. Although one of my cleats broke (believe me it is not redeemable, not to mention the pair only cost me $8, so they were not high quality to start with). You see I didn't break the cleat, the visiting men's team did show up, so the men played first. And usually only half of the people who are playing on any team at any given time have half of the equipment they need to play. Thank God we are not sharing uniforms with the men's team anymore, everyone still shares cleats, socks, shin guards and the like. I have large feet for a Costa Rican female, so someone from the men's team usually borrows my shoes. Well he broke the left shoe, and at the end of the night when I went to take my shoes home, I found a lime green left shoe sitting next to my black unbroken right shoe. So now I have a pretty stellar non-matching set of cleats. But I can't figure out....where did he find the lime green left shoe and what happened to the lime green right shoe?

Now I am going to tell you about the shit sand. I know that poop sand would be a little more appropriate, but honestly, you have to agree that it just doesn't have the same ring. So the shit sand. The local government stored supplies in my house before it was my house. And they still store supplies in it, now that I live here. I was assured that the supplies would be moved after a few months...my hope is dead and rotting that they will every move these supplies out of my house. But in all honestly, the majority of the supplies are no big deal at all. Except for the sand which lives in my dining room. My lovely animal family, thinks that the sand is either a litter box, or 'dirt' from outside, so when the door is closed at night they choose to 'do their business' in the sandbox in my dining room. Now at first this made me laugh and think "Well, that's what the local government gets for not moving their sand." But here is the thing, its been a while now, and although I clean the chunks out, as much as I can, I don't want a pile of shit sand in my dining room - it doesn't smell great. And yesterday after her flea killing bath, Piper ran right over to the shit sand and rolled herself all over. Needless to say, I did not enjoying cleaning the shit sand out of her fur into the only sink in my house.

Now for something a little more serious. After having spent some time out of site, I returned with a renewed sense of enthusiasm for the projects that I can accomplish with the community. I was jazzed up. And then I returned, and it's amazing how quickly those ganas disappeared. I have given it some thought, over the past few days (this is not the most well thought over premise) but I think that in order to to live in rural Costa Rica I have to accept certain things. I have to accept that I have to walk from the bus-stop in the mid-day sun. I have to accept that people won't show up to meetings on time. I have to accept so many things every day, just so that I don't go crazy from frustration and aggravation. In some ways I think its a good thing, I have learned to accept things that I can't control. But I am beginning to realize that there are downsides to this acceptance. I have gotten so used to accepting things that I can't control, sometimes I accept things that I can or could control. And this phenomenon extends further than just me. So when frustration over the status quo is missing, how do I motivate people to work for change?

One final random paragraph and thought. (I was going to type about, well I honestly can't remember). Just NOW, 10 seconds ago, as I was sitting in this chair at this desk in my bedroom --- I shift my bare feet on the floor. I feel something move underneath them, weird. I look down, expecting to see, my cat, my dog, a flip flop, a worm, a spider, a cockroach? Nope. Instead I see a BAT crawling out from UNDERNEATH my foot. My BAREFOOT! I squelched and did an awful little dance. Now I have shoes on, and will be unfailingly skittish for at least the next few hours. GROSS!

Sending loves.

just another day

After celebrating New Years I arrived back at site and settled back into the rhythm of rural life. A slower and more isolated life- it felt like pulling on an old pilly sweatshirt that doesn’t quite fit, but the extra room makes it all the more familiar and comfortable.  But the stability didn’t last too long.

January is the equivalent of summer vacation in the states. Regularly scheduled meetings aren’t happening. Kids are home from school for the second month-finally getting a little antsy doing household chores and filling their empty afternoons. And the pace of life is more unhurried than ever.

I held two summer camps for the elementary school kids during January and they were both huge successes. First an art camp, where we painted and learned about colors, drew and learned about lines, wrote books and learned about creative writing, and made kites and friendship bracelets. The theme of the camp was teamwork, and any chance I could I included a teamwork icebreaker or an art project where the kids had to work as a team. There were 4 kids and they gave great feedback about the camp. Second I held a sports camp, and invited another volunteer to help me out. The kids learned how to play Frisbee, volleyball, four square, kickball, and baseball and dance hip-hop. We focused on sportsmanship and by the last day the kids had made a surprising change in how they were communicating and treating their team members. There were 7 kids for sports camp and I am hopeful that in the next few months I will see some more variety in their afternoon activities.

My friend who visited was a soccer coach in the States, and she held a training session with my women’s soccer team. The team is full of energetic girls, but they have never run a drill or practiced any skills. For our practice every Friday the team plays a pick up soccer game with whoever shows up. The girls are good at soccer, because they have been playing since they could walk, but they lack ball handling skills, passing skills, communication and teamwork. During the practice it started to downpour, the kind of rain that stings your skin as it streams diagonally from the sky. I was very proud of the girls who kept practicing right through the rain!

Also the first meeting of my local government was held, and although they were the most frustrating part of my work in 2011, there are a few new members and I am hopeful for 2012. If this group is able to put forth the time, effort and energy that is required- they have the ability to make a huge impact on their community.

I have spent the next few weeks traveling for a few different work projects. I organized a meeting for volunteers in my region as a part of the Volunteer Advisory Council. I am the elected regional representative, which means that I organize quarterly regional meetings and then share the volunteer’s feedback with Peace Corps staff at the national meeting. 11 of the 24 volunteers in my region met for the weekend at an undeveloped tourist spot in our region.  It’s called Cano Negro, and it’s a wildlife reserve and swamp. We stayed at this amazing place with cabins, a perfect great space and a communal kitchen. We also took a boat tour through the swamp and saw crocodiles and some really awesome wildlife.

After that meeting I helped in another volunteer’s site with an art camp, which was hugely successful. After the art camp I came down with strep throat, and have spent the past week recovering on a friend’s floor, because I couldn’t make the trip back to my site. This weekend I will be traveling to the capital to participate in the national VAC meeting and celebrate a friend’s birthday.

I am definitely ready to return to site and settle back in to the day in day out life of a volunteer. And…good news from site- the old teacher is coming back for the next school year, which means that I don’t have to move! Very exciting news. 

Feels like Home

I have been happy, joyful, and excited. I have had times of contentment and successes to celebrate. But this week I have stumbled upon something new, a sense of calm. Nothing changed externally. My house is the same, same community, same weather, same food, same work, same life. The challenges and frustrations are ever present, as always. But something inside has shifted. I don't know why or how, but I have stumbled upon a new peacefulness. The anxiety- to do, to fill my hours, to be productive- is gone. The concern that I am not contributing enough, or that my work isn't making a difference - is gone. I am not living the 9th month of my Peace Corps service in Costa Rica. I am just living my life. I am submersed in moments. The way that the leaves of the orange trees rustle on the roof when a strong breeze passes, the way the kitten bats at the dust particles that float languidly through the sunshine or the way a new character in my book reminds me of an old friend. Lying in my hammock on the front porch, watching the sun set distantly behind the forest, I can't help but acknowledge that something inside feels peaceful...in a new, and overwhelmingly beautiful way.