Such is life...Asi es la vida

The longer that I live my Peace Corps life the longer that it feels less like "my Peace Corps experience" and feels more like my life (without quotation marks). I often hear volunteers say, "I want to go home." We don't always say it in the throws of an emotional breakdown. Sometimes, its just another sweaty day without water when we wish we could wear fall fashions and see the leaves changing color. In these past few months I have heard my fellow volunteers recite this familiar cadence, but it has left me feeling confused. Because the desire to "go home" (for me at least) has always been about escaping the tough stuff. "Going home" becomes a fantastical NeverNeverLand. But the more that my life in Costa Rica takes root, the more I am left wondering, what would it mean to actually "go home."

"Home isn't a place anymore, its about the people." "Its people that make the places important." These are quotes from friends here and at home. They speak to something that I have known for longer than I have been able to verbalize the words or even identify with them. Home is the connection I feel sharing stories with my parents, or sitting down to a cup of coffee with a close friend. That feeling of connection, understanding and acceptance, that is what home is for me. So what does it mean to go home? Is home holding on to the love that you have in your life or acknowledging that wherever you go in the world you will find love? Where do I go now, to find my home?

And I'm not just looking for a sense of home, I am seeking adventure. Which only serves to complicate what was not a simple problem to begin with. I could fill my life with people that I love and care about, but what if  my personal fulfillment comes from leaving the places where people love me?

So there you have it, the ramblings of a slightly discontent, but still committed and entirely uncertain Peace Corps Volunteer. Enough about the future, lets catch up on the present. I am still working in my community, although work is painstakingly slow and frustratingly uphill. I still live in the same home, my fishbowl on school grounds. I still fill my weekends playing with the soccer team and the nearest bus stop is still an hour walk away. I still eat rice and beans daily, and the water still goes out at least once a week. I still wash my laundry by hand and share my home with unwanted pests (not pets) of all shapes and sizes. I still attend daily meetings and combat machismo and apathy. But there has been a new development, for a while now I have been dating a man from a nearby town. And even though so many things remain unchanged, having such a good friend and support system in town has given a 'rosy tint' to all of the tough stuff.

Well friends, family and the Internet, that's all of my personal thoughts and meanderings for now. Sending loves and blessings :-)