Friday, July 20, 2012

hardening of the heart

I just looked at my last blog post. May 30th. That means it has been almost two months since my last update. I apologize, although honestly, it is because things have become pretty mundane. I wake up in the morning, coffee, hammock and reading time. Yoga, breakfast, email, housework and then see where the day takes me. Meetings starting around cafecito time, and then its time to head home, make dinner and do the dishes. Watch a movie or chat with someone from home and then its time to tuck myself into bed. Another day gone by.

The title of the blog post, and probably one of the most eventful happenings of the past month, was the death of Piper my 4th Costa Rican pet. I don't know if I have told this story before, but either way I am going to retell it, because it is uniquely applicable to the situation. During training back in April 2011 a group of 6 trainees and myself spent a week in another volunteer's site. We stayed with host families and followed her around for a week learning about her work. One night we were all sitting on the floor in her house and as her cat was suckling on her dog, she told of the stories of her pets in Costa Rica. I don't remember the specifics, but it was horrific, the quantity and the ways in which they had all died. What I remember (distinctly) is that we laughed. It was uncomfortable laughter, I guess we felt like there was no other way to respond. It was such awful luck. It was just too horrific to take seriously. And here I am, just over a year later. Sugar was stolen, Cricket was eaten by a dog, Gidget was poisoned and Piper got distemper and I had to put her down.

Piper had been walking strange for a few weeks and I spoken with more people and vets then I can count about how to help her. In the end, she couldn't stand up, and although she continued eating, she just laid on the floor, limbs splayed in all directions bobbing her head to eat her food and sleeping in her own excrement. Because she couldn't walk, and the bus stop is an hour away, I had someone in town kill her. They were kind enough to dig her grave and end her life. I sat in my room, on my bed, with my knees tucked into my chest, my hands over my ears and I cried.

I have more offers now than I know what to do with for more pets, but at least for today, my heart feels just a little bit too hard.