Things will get ... different

I think its time for a little bit of the truth. No more humor to avoid reality, no more avoidance to ignore pain.

Upon arriving back at site the problems with rats in my house had become much worse. I can confidently use the word ´infestation.´ Not only were the numbers multiplied, but the rats were now entering my room. I also learned that two walls in my room and my ceiling are hollow. This is why I can always hear the rats, when other people in the house cannot. I am not crazy (a more difficult realization than expected).

Rats were on the floor of my bedroom at night, squeaking and scratching at the feet of my bed. They were running in the walls, walls that my bed was pushed up against, running what at times felt like across my face. They were in the cupboards in the mornings, having spent their nights with the dishes I eat on and the food I eat. They were in the sink, where the dirty dishes from the day before sit. (This only became a notable problem when we did not have dish soap in the house for a week) They are screaming and fighting in the ceiling above my bed, and I can hear that they are trying to chew through the walls. I am not eating, I am not sleeping and I am spending most of my days in bed because I have very little energy and even less motivation. I am depressed. I am exhausted. I am beat.

I left after 3 weeks. It took leaving the situation to realize that I needed to leave. To realize that leaving wasn't a personal failure and that it didn't mean I wasn't tough enough.

I have received wonderful support from Peace Corps and when I return to site I will be moving into a new house and living alone. I am very grateful for the medical and administrative staff who have supported me through this process.

Valuable life lesson...? It is important to acknowledge when your limits have been exceeded. Sometimes its not just a matter of being a little bit tougher, sometimes its a matter of personal health and safety. And friends and family can help you with those distinctions, when you aren't able to make them yourself.